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Advice Column

Our Advice to Women:
..NEVER buy a "new brand" of beer because "it was on sale"
..If we are out in the shop and the TV is showing the WinterNationals in the den, it does NOT mean we are not watching it.
..Don't tell people we can not afford a new truck, you tell them we don't WANT one.
..Whenever possible, try to say whatever it is you need to say during the commercials.
..Please don't "drive" unless YOU are the one driving.
..Don't feel compelled to tell us how all of the people in your stories are related to one another, we're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
..The guy who just crashed the pro-stock bike isn't trying to be brave, He's just NOT CRYING. Big Difference!
..When the waiter asks if everything is okay, a simple "yes" is fine.
10-Your so-called "speed limits" mean nothing to me cop. I live MY life one 1/4 mile at a time.
9-You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light.
8-Aren't you going to strip search me, Big Boy?
7-I am not the droid you are looking for. You don't need to see my papers.
6-Damnit! My radar detector is broken again!!
5-You better hurry up with that ticket. Tim Horton's only has two more jelly doughnuts!
4-You're not gonna check my trunk, are you?
3-How about you watch my friend "Mackenzie King" while I search for my papers.
2-HEY, BARNEY!! How's things in Mayberry?
And the Number One thing NOT to say to the Cop who pulls you over.....
Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had to be home by eleven